How would you deal with this mental crisis?

OK ive had really bad anxiety for my whole life and depression. Ive had OCD also but its not the stereotypical hand washing bull its the kind that makes me have intrusive involuntary violent thoughts and urges i found a link to what ive had to deal with since about age 6 http://westsuffolkpsych.homestead.com/Violent_Obsessions.html ive had BDD (body dismorphic disorder) since age 9 about my eyes i hate the way they look and i used to litterly spend 5-9 hours a DAY checking a mirror even if it ment ditching classes at school, hanging out with friends or anything else. ive been bullied when i was younger and that anger grew into wanting to kill the bullies. I tried to kill myself once but it didn't work because i wasn't ready to go through with it. i ended up in a mental hospital for 30 days. i have been on about 25 different meds over the course of 9 years. Almost everybody i know gave up on me when i tried to kill myself. Im on edge constantly. Every time somebody walks past me or drives by me they either laugh, give me a mean look, or do something else to hurt me. I cant even look at people because of my bdd. I cant sleep at night because of insomnia and because I am paranoid and feel a tightness and feel like something disturbing is always there. Its escalating and now i cant take a shower when i want because i cant shampoo my hair because im not able to close my eyes. The house im in is creepy and i hear noises like a heavy chair scraping the floor. But last night i tried to sleep but when i was laying in bed i felt my skin crawl and my breathing got difficult and i saw a shadow moving towards me across the mirror on my left wall and i couldn't make out what it was. but i looked on the right wall and i saw a shadow of the grim reapers cloaks head portion. I didn't get any sleep. which made my bdd about my eyes worse. and every time somebody laughs when they see me i have homicidal thoughts. also ive been very sick because of all the mental torture. i dont know what to do